My Story

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Unfortunately, having PCOS can affect your mental health negatively. I remember having irregular periods with cramps that were so bad that i could not leave the bed for up to three days. Period cramps are a natural part of having mestruations, but I feel that the cramps of women who suffer from this condition are likely to have 10 times the pain of those who have regular periods.

During my teen and middle adult years, I was bullied about my looks due to my hair growth which was a little more excessive than the other girls. I was a hairy girl. I never felt like anything was wrong until people started pointing out how hairy I was. I hated looking forward to having my period because I knew it was going to hurt all day while I was at school. When I started working, in my late adolescent years, I would have to call in sick whenever my period finally came. My employers some who were women, did not believe that I was that much in pain, but I was. It was then I started wondering how can I live the rest of my life dealing with these cramps.

As I entered my twenties, my friends were getting pregnant and having babies. I did not. It was not an issue to me that I did not have a kid yet because I felt like I was not ready to be a mom at that time. That is until I met my then-boyfriend. I was not sure I wanted to procreate with him just yet. I was still enjoying the relationship; and its ups & downs. A kid was the furthest thing on my mind. One day, I was with my friend and her child when she turned to me and asked, "can you have kids??" Deep down, I felt it was very disrespectful to ask that kind of question. What if I never wanted to have kids?! Is that all there was to me? To have kids. I saw the bad things she was dealing with as a single mother and it had an effect on me wanting to wait. But I did not say much. I just shook my head "yeah" while feeling like she was insulting my womanhood.

When I finally decided that I wanted to become a mother, I had a very hard time. Even though me and my boyfriend werent actively trying to become pregnant, we were not trying to prevent it either. I think it would be safe to say that we were okay with bringing a child into the world together. I started becoming aware that I wasnt getting pregnant. I started wondering why it was taking me so long. I went to the doctor for a painful bout of menstrual cramps and got diagnosed with pcos and was prescribed metformin to lose weight. The side effects of taking it made me very sick. I could not take them any longer. After a month or two, I decided to go to the public library to study the female reproductive system. I was determined to get pregnant. Everyday after work, and sometimes on my off days, I walked to the library. I stayed until evenings; grabbing books and writing notes on a single sheet of printer paper. I could not wait to get home so i could study what I wrote word for word from the books I read and skimmed through. I came to a standstill when I realized that my condition was causing my ovulation schedules to be off. I did not know if I was ovulating or not so I wanted to research my own body to find out if I was and how often. I found out my menstrual cycle was 31 days give or take. I also read up on the behavior of women around ovulation time. I took notes on that information as well and saved it for later. I carefully charted my periods and ovulation days and had sex on the days I calculated to be possibly ovulating. After 6 months of research and trying, I became discouraged. I started to believe that maybe I could not have kids. I gave up for awhile to rest my brain. I was still determined; just needed a break.

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